Evil, or just plain nuts?

What would you call a doctor who tried to scare you about a condition you will definitely have to live with for the rest of your life? A bully? Sadistic? Insane? Cruel?

I keep thinking about the plastic surgeon who got angry because I elected not to have a double mastectomy (i.e. I did not want her to remove my healthy breast) and so decided to just say nasty things to me. The least of which I suppose was telling me that a lymphedema is "extremely serious. I have patients with arms three times the normal size and it is debilitating!"

Now what logical reason could she have for telling me about the more extreme versions of this disease that I will almost certainly have. They tell me that after the surgery to remove my lymph nodes is supplemented by the 6 weeks of daily radiation (to really kill whatever cancer is lingering in that armpit and chest area) the lymph drainage in my left arm will be damaged and I will have to wear a compression sleeve to encourage the arm not to swell up with discarded lymph fluid. It's pretty horrible sounding, but as many of my doctors have said, it is a hell of a lot better than dying of cancer. And besides, my left arm already has pain and movement limitations from the surgery so it'll just be more of this. Being careful with my fragile bits is key for now, I get it.

So getting back to the disgruntled plastic surgeon... Why did she want me to be scared of the future? Why did she want me to be afraid? After this and other frightening nuggets of wisdom, she told me it was "too late to find a different plastic surgeon if I wanted to have a positive result." There it was, the threat. In other words "If you don't let me do the surgery, it will be dangerous and aren't you already afraid?"

It was frightening. So much so that I managed to find another, (extremely well-qualified) surgeon within 24 hours, just in time for him to do the surgery. When it comes time to put an implant in, if I decide to go that route, I'm happy that I have a surgeon who doesn't want me to be terrified and dependent.

I'm going to be charitable to the original plastic surgeon and just assume she's insane instead of evil and abusive... even though her actions and words certainly are those things. It all comes back to what I have to keep learning; I am my own best advocate and I must always stand up for myself.